


Make like a seagull (and choke on plastic)

by Offbrand_Valk



Category: Tomb Raider (Video Games)
Genre: (tbh this is just a shitpost that went overboard), Autoerotic Asphyxiation, But Only a Little Bit - Freeform, F/F, PWP, Strap-Ons, as a treat, if that wasn't obvious from the title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:01:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23276770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Offbrand_Valk/pseuds/Offbrand_Valk
Summary: How is a queer woman like a seagull?They both choke on plastic
Relationships: Lara Croft/Samantha Nishimura
Comments: 14
Kudos: 94





	Make like a seagull (and choke on plastic)

**Author's Note:**

> I made a really dumb joke while streaming tomb raider, and now i gotta suffer the consequences

Quarantine was literally going to kill Sam.

It had been ten days, maybe eleven, time had lost all meaning. Her day was a never-ending stream of indie pop and watching her 6-year-old mac fight a losing battle to render her current project. It must be a cold day in hell cause Sam was even missing the long shouting matches with studio heads who literally would not be satisfied until her next documentary was just one hour and fifty-three minutes of Lara's jiggling tits.

Having lived together for more than 10 years, give or take the aftermath of a very traumatizing trip to Yamatai, neither of them really registered the buzzing sound that came when the other went to "take a nap", but Sam was pretty sure Lara's weekly amount had gone up as much as her own. Safe to say, Sam had more than overspend her allowance of "need a hand?" jokes in response to Lara going to bed.

It was one such Saturday evening, while slightly buzzed and contemplating whether their friendship was at a point where she could just say "I'm gonna go masturbate", that Sam had an idea. "Hey wanna see my impression of a seagull?" The words left her mouth without going through her brain first, she really thought she had outgrown that habit.

"Sure." Lara said in her slightly slurred voice Sam identified as her "4/5ths of a sheet to the wind".

Sam owned exactly one dildo, a deep purple strap-on that curved slightly upwards and was larger than what any of her past boyfriends had been packing. Sam had never used it on herself, or anyone else for that matter, she wasn't a big fan of things going inside her vagina in general. She had originally bought it for a Halloween costume, and kept it around when she realized wearing it sometimes helped get rid of that nagging feeling like she didn't fit properly inside her own body.

Now, it was gonna be used for a really stupid gag.

Lara was already smiling when Sam came back to the living room, just the sight of Sam carrying a strapon over her shoulder by the straps with a mischievous smile on her lips was enough to make Lara giggle like an excited toddler.

Sam made a big show of smoothing out the straps as she put the dildo on the table. "Now please, I require complete silence for this." Sam turned her nose upwards and threw the edges of her flannel backwards like a pianist sitting down to perform. "This is: impressions of a seagull, by Samantha Nishimura."

"You're going to choke on plastic?" Lara sounded unimpressed, but Sam could see the smile playing at the edge of her lips.

It had been a lifetime since Sam was last in anything resembling a romantic relationship (disregarding whatever her and Lara were), but she was pretty sure she still knew how to suppress her gag reflex.

The dildo felt weird in her mouth, it tasted of nothing, and didn't give as much as she remembered the real thing doing. The sounds were... Well Sam wasn't trying to make them sexy, so much as funny, and she was also kinda struggling with keeping the dildo steady.

The big problem was... Lara wasn't laughing, she was sending her looks.

"Do you want some help with that?" Lara said slightly breathless, and all the blood in Sam's brain rushed southwards.

She laughed, because she was an emotionally well-adjusted adult who only occasionally fantasized about having sex with her roommate, and that was definitely not what Lara had meant by it.

"Sure."

Lara began putting on the strap, Sam felt a line of drool making it's way down her face.

Sam and Lara had been friends since high school. Since Yamatai, Sam had always had a suspicion this was how it was going to end, though based on how slow bloomers they had both been, this was at least five years ahead of schedule.

Not that Sam minded.

Sam wasn't sure how exactly she'd gotten on the floor in front of Lara, nor where Lara had gotten a pillow for her knees from. Maybe she'd fallen asleep without turning off her vibrator again?

Lara brushed her fingers gently through Sam's half-combed hair. The lower half of her mouth was hidden behind her boobs.

Neither of them spoke, for fear of breaking the spell.

Sam slowly, in reverence, moved her lips towards the hard plastic, already glistening with her spit.

She opened her mouth, letting her tongue lull out, and running it along the underside of the shaft.

Lara groaned, and suddenly Sam's jeans were open, and her left hand was in her panties.

She placed a gentle kiss on the tip, then looked up, giving Lara a final chance to back out.

Lara's eyes were full of fire, she looked down at Sam like a hungry animal, like she had never needed anything more in the world than stuff a 10-inch piece of molded plastic down Sam's throat.

Sam clenched on air and put the head of the artificial dick in her mouth with a wet pop.

Lara brushed a stray hair out of Sam's eye. Sam reached up, grabbing Lara's hand with her own, and letting her feel how wet it already was. Lara gasped again as Sam guided her hand to the back of her head, and moved lower on to the strap.

Sam kept a rhythmic pace, going slowly up and down the dildo while playing a finger against her clit. It was a pleasant tickle, not pleasure, but the promise thereof.

Bit by bit she got further down, acclimatizing her throat to the feel of the dildo until it was pressing against the back of her head and there was only one way to go forward.

She grinned mischievously around the strap while looking up at Lara, before realizing she probably couldn't see it with her tits in the way. Sam pulled back, trailing spit from her mouth to the tip of the dildo in a way she really wished she could have recorded. Automatically, Sam began jerking Lara's pretend cock, and while she did so, she looked up at her, and spoke with her most doe-eyed innocent voice. "I think I need your help daddy."

Sam had just enough time to mentally facepalm at how corny it sounded out loud, before she registered the low, and very horny groan Lara made. She'd forgotten how corny Lara could be. Sam had had enough of the submissive Asian woman stereotype to last a lifetime before she had her first period, but right now, Sam would gladly call Lara senpai, if it meant she would be rougher with her. "Daddy." She said with the baby voice she hadn't used unironically in 10 years. "I want you to fuck my throat."

Lara's fist in her hair tightened, it was almost painful, almost. Sam's heart was beating fast, her panties were ruined, and her throat was preparing for what was to come.

With an iron grip that left Sam no choice, Lara pushed her down towards where Sam wanted to be most.

Beforehand Sam had stopped about halfway down the strap, as she reached that point again, Lara looked down, to make sure Sam was still okay. She sent her a thumbs up and an attempted cheeky grin, then focused on relaxing her gag reflex.

It didn't go down smoothly, Lara had to push it the first way in, and Sam moaned around it.

In that moment, Lara's forcefulness was everything to Sam. She felt like a sex toy, a wet hole without thoughts for Lara to shove her hard cock into any time she wanted. Her left hand was holding on to Lara's thigh, her right hand was resting motionlessly against her own pussy.

"Good girl." Lara husked as Sam reached the base of the strap. She could feel her throat being stretched, could smell Lara's arousal behind the strap.

Could see her vision getting blurry.

She pulled back a little bit, only for Lara to grab her by the hair and pull her back down.

Sam began rubbing herself, which only made it harder to draw in enough air through her nose.

As her body started to slacken, Lara finally pulled her off. While still gasping for air, Sam pulled her pants down around her knees and her shirt up over her head.

Lara meanwhile stood fully clothed, with one hand idly rubbing along the spit-soaked strap. "Ready for more baby girl?" She said, her voice full of promise.

"Break my throat daddy." Sam said, her babydoll voice gone with the wind, replaced by a cocky challenge.

Lara gasped, then grabbed Sam's head forcefully, holding it still as she began jackhammering into it.

Sam gasped for air. Drool ran down her throat and nestled between her breast, as Lara bottomed out in her throat again and again.

Her thighs were sticky, the way Lara's boobs bounced as she fucked Sam's throat was hypnotic. The moment stretched into eternity.

She rubbed herself harder and harder, her orgasm just out of reach.

Lara pulled her top off, and with the hand not holding Sam's face in place, began toying roughly with one of her own nipples.

Suddenly a lightning bolt shot up Sam's thigh, and through her body.

Lara pushed the strap down Sam's throat, making her choke as she came.

Liquid splashed over the pillow and her pants, the whole world spun, everything got dark.

When Sam regained consciousness, her and Lara were both lying on the floor. In the throes of pleasure, she had knocked them both over.

She nuzzled against the strap like a cuddly kitten while Lara rubbed her elbow. When their eyes met, Sam spoke in no uncertain terms: "You're my girlfriend now."

Lara nodded, too stunned by what she had just been part of to formulate any sort of romantic response. She nodded to the dildo slick with drool and spittle. "I better go wash that up."

Sam lifted herself up so her and Lara were eye to eye and kissed her on the lips. "When you're done with that, come to my room, so I can pull your ponytail while you ride my fingers."

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr at https://offbrand-valk.tumblr.com/ in case you want more low effort shitpost or occasionally fics i put actual effort into


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